Beautiful Bride & Groom Vows

When we at the Wedding Guru’s read these vows we were more than a little moved and so we wanted to share them with you. While not all of us have the gift of being able to write and explain ourselves so beautifully and poetically, what we can take from others who have absolutely put their hearts out there and created some beautiful vows, is that it gives the rest of us who struggle to explain our feelings a place to start.

I want to tell you a little about the couple who wrote these vows so that you can see the words from the perspective that they were written.

The bride, (known as Natalia) is a very accomplished professional who, while establishing her career has travelled the world and raised 3 children, a daughter and then twins on her own. When she met the groom (known as Graham) he himself had been through some of his own difficult times and was the father to four children two of whom were in their late teems and the other two just toddlers. Together they fell in love with not just each other, but all the things that they each brought to the relationship and they worked long and hard to make sure that on their wedding day, they each were able to express that love and gratitude in their vows: We hope you enjoy them as we did, they are a little long but far too good to cut down!

The Wedding Guru’s

xxxx

Groom’s vows

Natalia. Shall I compare you to a summer's day? No.

You are far more lovely and more constant
December breeze undressing jacarandas
And summer’s warm breadth? Too narrow.
Occasionally the sun flares too hot
Or retreats before floating mists
Every waxing beauty sometimes will wane
By chance or helped by Nature’s guiding hand
But your long endless summer shall never cool
Never be without your beauty within
Nor will heartbeats end deny your gift to me
When eighty winters besiege your brow,
Furrow your beauty,
I shall marvel in you
Still delight in your bounty.
I enter our union
Expectant of loving fully and heartily
Without fear of giving quarter
Sharing the marriage with those we love and care for.
A beacon to our children
Of commitment and committing
Perfectly balanced loving
Without pedestals.
Just eye to eye, cheek to jowl, back to back.
Forever.
Half a lifetime too great an expanse to have traversed
To alight at your doorstep
So now cast aside your clocks.
Set your compass true.
Aboard for the ride of our life.
And so it is.
Just like you said it would be.”

 Bride’s Vows

Graham, you are my home, my one safe place. I fell in love with you for so many reasons, the way your eyes smile when you are happy or cheeky, your commitment to your children and those you love, your eternal optimism, your intelligence, strength and your outlook on life.

Graham, you, more than anyone, know my vulnerabilities, insecurities, frailties, and failings, yet you never take advantage, and love me all the more. You inspire, challenge, support  and nurture me. You believe in me when my own belief wavers and I am beset with self doubt. You find in me qualities that I did not trust or believe were there. Your love is unconditional, without reservation, constant, yet demanding, forthright and bold . Your love for my children and commitment to their growth and development as good, honourable, ethical, courageous and confident young people could be no greater if they were your own

What can I say to you that I haven’t already said, and what can I give you that I haven’t already given? Everything that is the essence of me belonged to you long before this. And it shall be yours, long after this, and for always.

I give you not the "spring of my life" but the languid late summer and the autumn, brisk and vibrant. Our life together  inextricably entwines our 7 beautiful children, our large circle of friends
and our loving families. We will cherish the memories of our individual pasts and build our new life together.

Let me be the shoulder you lean on, the rock on which you rest. With you I will walk the path we have chosen and together we will dream. We may stumble and  we may falter, but we will always be there for each other.

Tonight Graham, I join my life to yours. The decision to commit to share my life with you is one I make joyfully, easily and with full confidence in our love; secure in the knowledge that you are my best friend, confidant, partner in life, and my one true love. Time may pass, fortune may smile, trials may come; but no matter what we may encounter, I know we do it together, stronger for loving each other.”

Let’s Talk Ceremonies

To keep it upbeat and light I thought I would talk about ceremonies in general. Keep in mind that while couples spend months and thousands of dollars on their receptions, they sometimes forget about the ceremony. Of course the party and dancing are wonderful, but don’t forget that what you are there for is to actually commit to one another for life. Your family and guests aren’t just there for the free food and entertainment (although if your family is anything like mine, they may well be), they are there to see you make that commitment to one another. A good ceremony will envoke an emotive response in your guests with laughter, tears and warm memories.

So many clients come to me having absolutely no idea about how to plan their wedding ceremony, what the legal requirements are or how to put together something special and memorable which is what we all want, right?

The first question I usually ask them is “Have you attended many ceremonies before?” Often the answer is no and it is at this point we start with a completely blank canvas and begin to build a fantastic ceremony from scratch. Sometimes though, the answer is yes, so the next question I ask them is “thinking back to those ceremonies, what did you like, what did you dislike and were there any points during the ceremony that you felt like pulling your fingernails out with boredom?”

This is always a great place to start. It’s easy to pick someone elses ceremony to pieces so the best way to make yours great is to analyse those that you yourself have attended. It’s not about being mean, but about recognising what inspires and uplifts you and how you can put some of your own personalities into your big day so that it really reflects who you are as individuals and as a couple.

Once we have established a list of like’s and dislike’s then we are ready to start making some plans. There are so many choices, but the most important thing to establish before proceeding is if you want a more traditional ceremony or something modern and different. If you really want to stick with a traditional format, then there are plenty of things that you can incorporate to make it beautiful and most importantly your own. If you really want something different and modern however, then the world is your oyster so to speak!

There are so many considerations, such as the length of the ceremony, the wording, giving of the bride, readings, vows whether or not to include a ritual and the list goes on……

So what is the order of a ‘usual’ ceremony?

Well it goes something like this, but is open to interpretation:

›  Opening music details:

›  Details of Bridal parties entrance

›  The Welcome - Celebrant usually writes this (just 1-2 lines)

›  Giving of the Bride:  

›  Introduction:   

        

›  1^st Reading:

         To be read by:

›  Celebrant’s Monitum – This is what the Attorney Gen requires the celebrant to
                                       say in order to meet the legal requirements

›  The Asking:

›  The Vows:

›  The Ring Ceremony: 

›  Details of any traditions/rituals/symbolism:

›  2^nd Reading:

          To be read by:

›  Declaration by Celebrant:

›  Signing of Marriage Certificate & Register

›  Presentation of Bride and Groom as Mr & Mrs

›  Any announcements for guests

This is just a guide and as long as all of the legal requirements are met (depending on which country you live in of course) then you can add and remove things to suit your needs.

In future blogs I will address each of these sections individually and in more depth so please post your comments or any questions and I am happy to answer or help in any way.

Susan x

Should we write our own vows?

If I had a dollar for every time couples asked me this question, let’s just say I would be lying on a beach in the Bahamas sipping a cocktail.

There is really no right or wrong answer to this question and it is honestly nothing more than a consideration of what kind of person you are and if you feel confident with words and your ability to deliver them in front of a live audience. One thing that I have definitely noticed is that the ladies are always far more eager to take on this task than the gentlemen. Why? I really have no idea but for some reason it almost always seems to be the case all but for a few exceptions.

When I sit down to put together a ceremony with a couple, the vows is always the section that takes us the longest to work through. There are lots of options and different methods of delivery and it’s often hard to decide in advance what your level of confidence will be like on the day.

The easiest way to do this is to break it down into 2 sections and they are Delivery and Content:

Firstly, Delivery:           Do you want to repeat them after the celebrant or priest?

                                    Read them from a card or

                                    Recite them from memory

Making a decision about which method of delivery you will use greatly affects your content but we will look at that in a moment.

Secondly, Content:       Do you want to write something personal from the heart

                                    Choose a standard vow (modern or traditional)

                                    Adapt/reword a standard vow or one personally written
                                    by someone else

Choosing a particular mode of delivery directly affects your choice of content due to the fact that if you really want to repeat the words after the Celebrant/Priest then 2-3 lines is about the maximum length you can use. Something personally written is usually not a good choice in this instance because it tends to be longer than 2-3 lines and does not come across well to guests. Vows longer than 2-3 lines are not pleasant when repeated because as you can imagine the guests feel like they are watching a tennis match, celebrant says a couple words, bride repeats the words, celebrant says a couple more words, Bride repeats and so on and on and on and then it’s the grooms turn to do it all over again!

Repeat:

 If you choose the option repeating after the Celebrant/Priest, by far the best idea is to choose either a short standard Vow or a personal Vow that is no longer than about 3 lines in length (including the legal wording).

Read:

 If you are happy to read your Vows from a card then you are free to write anything you want as long as you ensure that the approx 2 lines that the Commonwealth stipulate must be said in order for your marriage to be valid (your celebrant or priest will discuss this with you).

Handy Hint: If you decide to write your own vows then a great thing to bring it all to life is to write your vows to each other secretly and submitted them to the Celebrant/Priest separately so that the other does not know what will be said on the day. This is wonderful and adds an element of excitement for you as the couple on the day. I have seen this leave couples sobbing when the words are spoken.

Recite: The final option is to recite your vows from memory. When I got married years nearly 13 years ago I remember the Deacon who married us saying that we MUST learn our vows because it is the one thing that we have to do for ourselves on the day. I understand his point about the fact that each person should make the effort to at least remember what they want to say to the other, but in all honesty it ruined my experience of my ceremony because I was so petrified of forgetting the vows that it was all I could think about or concentrate on rather than really enjoying my wedding day and having all of my family and friends together.

Since then I have only ever had two couples who were absolutely sure that they wanted to recite their vows from memory and they were practising right up until the last moment and ………. in both cases I ended up having to prompt them through it. It is not because they just suddenly forgot, it is because it is very difficult to anticipate how powerful it is standing up there and the rollercoaster of emotions that is consuming you as you look at each other with all of your loved ones looking on.

My final bit of info on this topic is just a small caution. If you are going to write your own vows and especially if you are going to keep them secret, MAKE SURE that you are on the same page in terms of the tone. For example I had a couple who submitted their vows separately and while his was a full page of gushing about how divine his beautiful bride to be was and how he had fallen in love with her from the instant he saw her, when I read her vows my heart almost skipped a beat. Her vows were a hilarious account of their life together and all of his bad habits that disgusted her and drove her crazy and how she loved him for it. Both were great stories, but it would have been a disaster for him to give his loving speech only for her to follow with her comedy routine.

When deciding on what to choose for your vows, talk to each other about it and try to find an option that you are both comfortable with. A good Celebrant or Priest will always have a stack of options and ideas so rely on their expertise to guide you in the right direction.

If you have any problems or questions at all, feel free to comment and I am more than happy to help.

Regards

Susan