Week 22: Handfasting with Children

Welcome to week 22 of our "52 traditions/rituals in 52 weeks".

Some time ago we brought you a version of a 'handfasting' (view here) which has been very popular on the blog, so we thought we would follow it up with a fabulous way of including children in this wonderfully meaningful ritual.

Including children in a handfasting:

Celebrant: 'When we think about marriage we immediately visualize the joining of two people. But this is not always so. Marriages unite families and as is the case in many families today, who already have children, they give us a wonderful opportunity to celebrate and embrace some of the other important relationships in our lives.

During a wedding ceremony rings are sometimes exchanged with a promise. As (Bride) and (Groom) are not exchanging rings, but instead binding their hands, they thought appropriate that their children should also take part as a reminder of their promise to them on this day.

They wanted to find a way to let them know now how special and wonderful they are, and how privileged and blessed they feel to be their parents'.

Children step forward and their hands are bound with the parents

Celebrant addresses children:

'(Insert children’s names): These are the hands that will support encourage and protect you through all of life’s ups and downs, happy times, sad times, love and we hope, great joy. This binding is a reminder of the love and respect that each of you have for the others and that which will last for a lifetime'.

The Wedding Gurus x

Marriage & the step parent dilemma

The society in which we live today is filled with wonderful blended families that come in all shapes and sizes.  We're not just talking about couples coming together from different cultural backgrounds, but also couples coming together, each with children of their own. (How could we forget The Brady Bunch - if only it was that easy). So many of the couples I see as a celebrant have families like this.

The joining of two families can be a really wonderful experience, but it would be remiss not to mention the fact that it can also be exceptionally difficult and fraught with potential disasters, particularly when combined with the stress of planning a wedding. Step parenting is never easy and we all know very well that planning a wedding can be overwhelming, even for the calmest of couples, but combining the two can see some couples in total despair.


To any of you who have successfully brought two families together while planning and executing an amazig wedding, we commend you. You truly deserve a round of applause.

BUT, for those of you (and I'm sure there are many) who are currently struggling with a suddenly much larger family, while trying to plan your big day and include children and step children, then we symapthise and are here to help.

In working with many couples in this situation I have put together a few ideas I wanted to share with you that may hopefully help you in finding ways to include children and step children and ease the stress of  any family tension that may be lingering.

I have found that finding ways to include and unite the family on such a public level really helps to strengthen the bond and puts the focus on inclusion and unity rather than exclusion and individuality.

Here are some ideas to help:

1. If the children are old enough allow them to act as junior bridesmaids/groomsmen. Asking them to stand beside you earns them a level of importance and respect that you may find helps them to feel apart of it all.

2. If you are each coming to the marriage with a couple of children it may not be practical to have them as attendant in the ceremony. I once did a ceremony for a couple where they each had 3 children and so they bought each of them a gold letter (the childs first initial) and as part of the ceremony each child was asked to come forward as the step parent placed the necklace on and gave them a kiss. All  the guests were crying and the children were so proud and pleased it was beautiful.

3. Include a unity ritual in your ceremony. A great way of making children feel included is by having a unifying ritual. A sand ceremony is a great example (see our sand ceremony for an example) I perform many sand ceremonies with families which usually requires a vase of coloured sand each different and representing the particular family member, They each then pour their sand into the large vase so the colours layer beautiful and then the vas eis then sealed. The glass can be engraved with the wedidng details or an engraved plaque put on the front. Once on display in the home the significance of the once single colours of sand that can now never be seperated again from the others is a constant reminder of the families bond.

4. If they are not wanting or confident enough to take part in the ceremony then give them a job. Ushering guests, handing out rose petals or bubbles. This will allow them to have a purpose on the day.

We really hope this helps and if you are still stuck feel free to contact us and we will be happy to help with more ideas.

The Wedding Gurus
xxx

Blessings for an amazing and beautiful life

Last Saturday I (Susan) attended a beautiful church ceremony of some friends and in all of the weddings that I have attended or officiated, something happened to me for the first time.

I don’t know if it was because the bride was quite young or if her dark hair and features just stirred up something in me, but as she stood at the door of the church and all I could see of her was her dress, she paused for quite a while with her father waiting for her song to begin.

For the guests the pause created an atmosphere of anticipation and excitement and for me I had tears welling up in my eyes when for the first time I was propelled some years into the future and was imagining that this was my own beautiful dark haired daughter.

I thought of her standing there, so beautiful, full of love and looking forward to her amazing future and my heart just filled with emotion and pride. All of a sudden I couldn’t help wondering when I had stopped dreaming of me as the bride up there about to walk in to the ooohing and aaaahing of the crowd (even though I had already been one, do we ever stop dreaming of it?)

Yes, it was definite, I was getting old. No longer dreaming of those moments for myself, but now for my children. For a moment I will admit I felt a bit sad about that, but quickly realised that it was life’s natural and perfect progression that I’d had my turn and now was the opportunity to look forward to theirs. As she walked down the aisle, smile beaming and looking radiant, she held on tightly to her fathers arm. I looked to the front of the church to see her mother, who was looking back at the two of them and sobbing hopelessly! That would be me one day.

I know I have harped on about this before, but looking at her mum, I couldn’t help but hope that when it is my daughter’s turn to walk down that aisle, she asks me to walk her down too. Nothing would make me prouder than to stand beside her on her biggest day and walk her proudly to her groom. Kissing her cheek and giving her my blessings for an amazing and beautiful life.

Susan. xxx