Creative ways to Remember a Loved One at your Wedding

Many couples about to wed have a mother, father, grandmother, grandfather, brother or sister who have passed and cannot be there to celebrate with them on their special day. It can be very important to a lot of couples to remember these people by adding a special gesture somewhere throughout their day. We stress the importance of keeping it light and simple so as not to over-upset the couple or the guests.  

We have compiled a list of ideas, if you have an idea to add to this list please feel free to share it as a comment below:

1. Have a special table set in memory of your loved one with a photo, fresh flowers and candles set aside the alter at your church or next to your bridal table at the reception. 

2. If your loved one had a favourite song have your musician sing it in honor of them.

3. After your ceremony you may like to release some white balloons. We like the idea of having your loved one/s names written on the balloon or on a tag attached to the balloon. A chosen member of your family may like to say a few words before the bride and groom release the balloons into the heavens above. 

4. Set aside a chair at the ceremony where they would have sat. The bride might like to carry a single white rose down the aisle and take a moment to set the rose on the chair. You could place a tag on the rose stating "In loving memory of -insert name-"

5. The bride and groom may like to light a unity candle during their ceremony in memory of their loved one. 

6. Wearing a piece of your loved ones clothing or jewelry is a great way to remember them whist keeping them near. If your grandmother wore a particular piece of jewelry on her wedding day it is lovely for the bride to do the same and maybe one day pass it on to her child too. 

7. If your loved one was buried at a cemetery close by you may like to visit them. My husband and his groomsmen stopped to visit his father on the morning of our wedding and left a buttonhole on his gravestone to have him included in our day. 

8. You may like to set aside a page in your ceremony booklet with a poem or verse that represents your loved one. Alternatively you may like to write "Today we honor the memories of those who could not join us here (list of names)."

9. Create an arrangement of photos of your loved ones.

10. Attach photo lockets to your bouquet or buttonhole.

Yasmin xx 

Losing 'Bridezilla' to find your inner 'Bridecess'

Yes we made it up, but ‘Bridecess’ is our new favourite word!

... February is upon us and it has prompted our thoughts turn to wedding trends and ideas for 2013.

Now this may be somewhat controversial given the society we live in, our love of good drama and the popularity of some TV shows, but it is our belief (The Wedding Gurus) that

‘Bridezilla’ is well and truly OUT!

Being a bride has always carried with it a certain elegance and beauty that those of us who have not been lucky enough to walk down the aisle can only dream of experiencing.

We imagine ourselves moving graciously down the flower adorned aisle or pathway to join our handsome waiting groom as all our guests and loved ones look on in awe and shed a tear in response to the heart warming exchange between the man and his soon to be bride - the love of his life.

With this in mind, how then did it ever become fashionable to transform into what we know as 'Bridezilla'?

The word itself brings to mind a horrific picture: A bride in a huge flouncy dress screaming and frothing at the mouth as others try desperately to tame and calm her outbursts. Is it really ever pleasant to have people see us this way on what should be our time to really shine?

Lets be real. Do you honestly want to be seen as an out of control, screaming, nasty bride to be, so feared by not only your bridesmaids, but also your friends and family that by the time the big day arrives they would much rather suffocate you than be part of your special day?

Or do you want to aspire to the persona of someone like Princess Kate Middleton who showed courtesy and good manners to all those around her and pulled it all off with such elegance and class?

We want to convince every one of you to aspire to be a gorgeous and glowing bride, one that is calm, in control and who leaves every person in the room thinking what a perfect choice the groom has made.

Let the single ladies wish they were you and the single men wish they had found you first. Let the elderly people comment on your manners and decorum, while the married women wish they had been so gracious on their wedding day. Let your parents burst with pride at what a great job they have done and your in-laws feel grateful for the daughter they are gaining. Let your bridesmaids feel excited and priveledged to have such a great friend and to have had an absolutely fabulous time helping you with this wedding. But most of all ,let your groom feel that he is absolutely the luckiest man alive to be the one standing beside you.

So......ditch that old Bridezilla (its so 2012) and find your inner Bridecess. Your friends, family, bridesmaids and soon to be husband will all thank you for it.


We’ve put together a few ways that we think you can achieve the true title of ‘Bridecess’

1. Accept the fact that things will go wrong, they always do but it is the way you react to it that will determine whether it complete ruins your wedding or is remembered as merely a road bump on the way to a perfect day.

2. Surround yourself with loving and supportive people who will be there to help you and remind you of the real meaning of the day.

3. Be organised, plan and work out every detail so that nothing can pop up and stress you out.

4. Scheduling 'you' time that does not involve wedding planning and is relaxing and uplifting.

5. Throw out all the old sayings you have heard –
"You cant please them all so just please yourself",
"You can pick your friends but you cant pick your relatives".
“Weddings are as stressful as a death in the family"
All of these statements carry some degree of truth, but if you approach wedding planning in this negative frame of mind you will feel nothing but stress and anxiety. Of course you have to think about your guests and wedding party, it’s primarily your day but they are all playing a part and deserve to enjoy it too.

6. Lastly but most importantly don’t forget that you are a couple and this is supposed to be the happiest day of both of your lives. Imagine how it feels to be a groom about to marry his true love only to see her go from being his princess to a total out of control train wreck.

Do you want your tantrums, tears and bad behaviour to be etched in the memories of your guests when they recall your wedding day or do want them to be using you as their example when they begin planning their day?

The Wedding Gurus
xxx

Week 21: Silent Flower Ritual

Welcome to week 21 of our "52 traditions/rituals in 52 weeks".

The silent flower ritual is one of the simplest and most basic rituals that may be included in a wedding ceremony, but it’s significance and emotional depth are long remembered.

The silent flower ritual brings significance to the roles of the mothers on this special day, that may otherwise go unspoken and to all that they have contributed in the lives of the couple present. In nurturing, loving and caring for each of them and in being there to share this special day with them.

Once the guests are assembled and the groom and celebrant are waiting for the bride, the entrance music begins and the bride enters carrying her bouquet with 2 loose long stem flowers. As she approaches her groom on her father’s (or whoever is escorting her) arm, she lets go of him and walks silently over to her soon to be mother in law and hands her one of the flowers, giving her a kiss on the cheek. She then walks over to her own mother handing her a flower also and giving her a kiss on the cheek.

No words are said during the ritual and the bride then returns to her escort’s arm and continues to her groom.

The ritual, though silent, is very meaningful and brings a tear to the eyes of guests and of course the mothers.  It is a truly wonderful way of honouring the mothers role in the lives of the couple and their importance on this day. The mothers are always very pleased, particularly when they are not aware that it is going to take place.

The Wedding Gurus

xxx

For other ways to include your mums please see our post "What about the Mothers?"

Week 12 - Libation Ceremony

Welcome to week 12 in our ’52 Rituals/Traditions in 52 Weeks’

This week we have decided to look at ‘libation’ in ceremony and how you can use it to create an interesting and heart felt ceremony.

Some traditions or rituals are not unique to just one culture and are in fact practised in many cultures throughout the world. These rituals are often similar in nature, but may have different relevance or meaning depending on who is practising them. This is certainly true for libation rituals.

The libation ritual is a traditional part of ceremony practised by the Greeks, Romans, Africans and Burmese Buddhists to name only a few. The term ‘libation’ actually means ‘the pouring of a liquid offering as a religious ritual’ and this liquid may be any number of things, again dependant upon who is performing it.

In some African cultures, an essential part of any ceremony is the pouring of libation. Sometimes water, but most often a traditional wine is used for the pouring which it is believed shows recognition and thanks to their ancestors and the Gods. A prayer calling all to attend and participate is given by an elder who through this tradition invokes both ancestors and Gods to be present.

The Ancient Romans were also big believers in the use of libation rituals in ceremony, usually consisting of wine and perfumed oil, it was considered an act of great worship.

These days we still see libation rituals used in ceremony and also in showing recognition to those no longer with us. If you live in the United States you may have heard of the term ‘tipping a forty to their memory’ which involves tipping a small amount of liquid (usually liquor) from the glass before drinking, paying respect to and in memory of those no longer with us.

If you are looking for a simple, easy ritual to use in your wedding ceremony that doesn’t cost anything and allows you to word it specifically to recognise something, then a libation ritual is a fabulous idea.

You could ask the head of either of your families,-a grandmother or grandfather, the celebrant or anyone you wish - to lead the ritual and say a few words as to the sentiment of the ritual.

An example of this may be where a loved one has passed away or unable to be present and you are looking for a way to acknowledge those unable to be with you. A libation is a simple, yet powerful way to pay your respect and honour their significance.

The Wedding Gurus

xxx

Ben and Daphne - Part 2

Welcome to The Wedding of Ben and Daphne Part 2!
Part 1 was definitely amazing, but we believe that the best is definitely yet to come.
From the gorgeous traditional church with its flower laden pews and extravagant arrangements the setting was nothing less than breathtaking. Daphne's mum and grandmother walked down the aisle before her and her bridesmaids and she was glowing as she entered the church on her fathers arm. Although marrying in a Catholic Church, the couple chose not to have any music in keeping with Daphne's Greek background where music in the church ceremony is not common.
So get yourself a coffee and don't forget to grab a note pad and pen to take down details of perfect ideas for your own wedding and take a journey with Ben and Daphne through the memories of their perfect day. We hope you enjoy it. xxx

 

The Church

Daphne's gorgeous mum and Yia Yia

and on the arm of her proud dad

Ben's mum who passed away some years ago was beautifully honoured with a place at the bridal altar

The Photography

The Sclapsti family

The Crowhurst family

This is one of our favourite shots - Truly beautiful

At Semaphore - Adelaide, SA

 The Reception

The reception was held at John DiFede Reception Centre, Adelaide, SA

Flowers were a huge part of the day and the arrangements were spectacular

The candy buffet was an absolute hit and the all white theme was set off perfectly with just a hint of colour throughout

Wow......is about the only word we could think of to describe this moment!

 And they lived happily ever after....

THE END

What about the Mothers?

This is an area that I truly feel passionate about bringing to peoples attention. At nearly every ceremony I conduct my heartstrings are pulled when I see the mothers of the bride and groom sitting (or standing) in their beautiful outfit, hair all done, often with tears in their eyes, left to watch the father walk his daughter down the aisle – or in the parents of the grooms case, have no part to play at all. This is something I would love to see changed in modern day weddings and I must say some couples make a point of finding some way to pay tribute to the mothers, but for so many of us we are just so caught up in the ‘usual’ way things are done we often don’t think about what is actually important to us most.

I know that sometimes relationships are strained with parents or even non-existent so it is not always something that couples want to do. In those situations that is absolutely understandable but I have often chatted to mums who are very close with their daughters and who are felling a bit sad about the fact that they didn’t get to ride down with them or feel that sense of absolute pride side by side with their baby on the biggest day of her life. It brings a tear to my eye just thinking about it.

With one daughter and two sons of my own I have a very good grasp of just how much of my time, love and attention I devote to them every minute of every day. As many mothers do I often think about my daughters wedding, picking out dresses and flowers etc when she grows up, but I’m being honest when I tell you that I can’t help but feel sad that I will have to stand on the sidelines and watch her father, friends and husband to be and his friends stand side by side with her on one of the biggest days of her life. I feel a bit cheated. (in advance!). And to add insult to injury I will even have less of a role on my son’s big days unless they decide to find a special part for me. I know it all sounds very ‘woe is me’, but these are the most special people in my life and if a best friend can get upset about not getting to be a bridesmaid then surely I can feel a bit left out too!

It is funny to me that there are so many traditions in modern ceremonies that have forged through, pushing aside the old ways and yet this is just something that seems to remain, the institution that a father should give away his daughter to her new husband. It really struck me one day at a ceremony where the bride had only recently (like a month before) lost her mother and it was very hard for her not to have her there to see her get married. In planning the ceremony we decided that it would be really special to have a picture of her mother on the signing table at the front and as she walked up to stand beside the groom. She would first walk over to the table, place a kiss on the photo and light the candle. It really was lovely and evoked a lot of emotion amongst the guests, but at the time I couldn’t help thinking that there was more acknowledgement for that mother who had passed away than there was for a mother who is actually present and desperate to play a part.

So I know I have probably ranted a little in this post because of that fact that this is something I feel strongly about but if it inspires even just one of you to find a way to include your mum or make her feel special and stand out from just being like all of the other guests, then I feel that my work here is done.

If you want to find a way to include your mum and are stuck for ideas or have a great idea that you yourself used, please leave a comment.

Regards

Susan